Why did writing that title make me laugh?? ;) No, this isn't any sort of announcement! It's referring to that fact that we've now been "Texans" for exactly nine months! Wowzers, I can't believe we are turning the last quarter of our first year here!
My goal has been to update every few months, but honestly, I've learned what a deeply personal journey this has been (in some aspects) and some of my entries will probably stay private. However, I also struggle with how GOOD God has been to us and maybe He wants me to continue to step out in faith and share parts of our journey?? Who knows, if some random "3 months" or "6 month" updates appear, it's because I've decided to throw caution to the wind and share my heart;)
Nine months in and although most days this is beginning to feel like home, somedays I still feel like a complete stranger to life here. It's fact that such a big move takes 18 months- 2 years to adjust, so if it only takes us 18 months, then that means we're halfway there-ha! Bottom line is, this girl has lived in ONE spot for almost 34 years, so I'm not surprised that some days it literally smacks me in the face that I feel a tad "lost" (literally and figuratively-haha).
To be completely honest, we love life here. Is it perfect? Um, negative. However, both JP and my own heart know that we could spend both our lives searching every square inch of this earth for the "perfect" spot to live and newsflash, we wouldn't find it. Is that because we are impossible to please?? Most definitely not (we try to be quite opposite, actually). It's because it doesn't exist here on Earth. We know our perfect "home" is waiting for us in Eternity, but until then, we know that ANYWHERE we live will have its "pluses and negatives."
California does and always will have a special place in our hearts and trust me when I say that I spent the six years leading up to this move, wrestling with how guilty/conflicted I felt that aside from the fact it will always have a special place, our hearts were being called elsewhere for this chapter of our lives. Were we just searching for "greener" grass or were we truly making as smart of a decision as we had hoped? Could something besides The Lord be luring us east? Were we making a mistake? We have everything we could need/want here (CA), WHY do these desires continue to be placed on our hearts? Is life really slower there? The questions/second-guessing were maddening at times!! I think we could both say (with confidence) that many of these questions weren't quickly answered in "our" timing and God asked us to completely submit to Him in faith, before we'd gain clarity on many of these questions. Scary, so scary!! During those years and really as it boiled down to the last year before moving, we kept coming back to some of our biggest leaps of faith that we've taken throughout the course of our marriage and how those turned out. I will say, in those terrifying leaps, have been some of our biggest blessings. Not once has He let us down. Does that mean, during those leaps we didn't experience HARD days/seasons, no, it means He sought and carried us through because we obeyed Him.
Nine months in and a word that has continually been placed on my heart throughout our journey is PEACE. Adjusting to living life in a new state with three little ones is anything, but easy, but the peace I carry in my heart each day is immense. It's priceless really. I know exactly where it comes from...God. Trust me, I kicked and screamed at times about the thought of just up and selling our (what we thought) "forever" home to step into HUGE unknowns. Sure, I wanted the things that Texas could provide for our family, but maybe it would just be easier to stay where we were and continue to do life the way we always knew. There were MANY days when I simply wanted to tell God, "Hey listen, we are comfortable where we are. Please go call someone else to pack up their family and move away from their comforts (i.e. support system). I'm really much to wiped out to endure what could potentially be ahead of us." You know what I was convicted with time, after time? This journey was not about what I wanted or didn't want to endure. I also knew that as humans, growth doesn't always come when we are in our "comfort zones." Stepping out in faith is where we experience that growth.
However, we pressed forward, by the grace of God. You know what?? I'm SOO thankful we did!! I look at how our family dynamic has changed and I can't believe we could've missed out on some of what we have already experienced in this past year. Do we miss being down the road from our parents/grandparents/cousins?? Absolutely!! Do I still sometimes get a lump in my throat to know that we aren't a 10 minute drive away for an impromptu visit to Gaga and Grandpa's? Or we won't have mounds of supportive grandparents on the sidelines at sporting events? Yep, you betcha. Do I miss living ten minutes from my own, sweet grandparents? So, so much. But, you know what? Right now, God has made it CLEAR AS DAY where He wants JP, our littles and I. Who am I to argue with that?
Through the things that we all miss though, we have had SO many "little" changes in our life that we realize are "big" things that we had always had hoped our for raising while raising our kiddos. We've continually made it our mission to have our eyes and hearts open to the benefits that living here offers. If we chose to focus on negative aspects, we know we'd spiral and be selling ourselves and our kiddos short on potentially missing out on how great life can be outside of CA. Other than missing our sweet family and the familiarities of CA, there aren't too many negatives for us, anyway. We know that in time Texas will continue to feel more and more like home to us, as well:)
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