Looking Back..

(*Mom and Dad, you may want to skip over this post) ;)



Today, May 20th, marks three years ago that Justin, (Hailey) and I were in our car accident. In some ways I cannot believe it's only been three years, but then in other ways I can't believe so much time has already passed. No matter how much I try to void this horrible memory from my mind, there has not been one day that I have not thought about it. This was by far the most horrifying moment of my life, yet.

As many of you know, Justin and I were on our way to Saturday night service at church when we were hit. (I know, I didn't think you could get in a car accident on your way to church, either!) ;) Although, Justin ALWAYS drives, I happened to be driving this one particular evening...lucky me;) We were one intersection away from arriving at church when a black stretch limo decided to make a completely illegal u-turn in the middle of Aliso Creek Parkway, right in front of me, as I was cruising at 50mgh through an intersection! Now, what the "genius" limo driver failed to realize was that he was driving a limousine, not a compact car that can turn on a dime! His illegal turn left the limo sitting perpendicular across all three lanes of traffic! I literally had NO time to stop and knew that my only choice (besides swerving into on-coming traffic) was to hit the brakes, brace ourselves and slam head-on into the side of the limo...YIKES! I can still vividly remember every last second leading up to the impact. I remember hitting the brakes hard (so hard, I can't believe my foot didn't go through the floor. Thank you, anti-lock brakes). The next thing I remember was holding onto the steering wheel for dear life, listening to the terror in Justin's voice and all of the sudden an image of a little baby froze in my mind as we finally hit.

Of course, I immediately began thanking God for sparing me and Justin's life and praying that the life of my baby had been spared, too. The fact that I was very close to having that little life taken away from me continues to haunt me. Luckily, my parents were a mile away from the accident scene and actually, beat the ambulance and firetruck to the scene. The police and firefighters were left pretty much scratching their heads at how amazingly well our car protected us (despite $22,000 in damages). I know they didn't want to scare us too much, but I was pretty much told to count my blessings that night...and that I did!!

When we arrived at the hospital, the wait for the ultrasound might have been the longest few hours of my life! Oh, the breath of relief that Justin and I breathed as we saw our little peanut's beating heart! I again immediately thanked God for sparing this baby's life! Knowing that the three of us were alive was all that mattered and the rest could be fixed (although, I prayed it would be totaled, but that's a whole different drama!). I never thought I needed a lesson on how fragile life is, but boy, did I get one, whether I wanted it or not!

Although, I have completely lost my enjoyment for driving, I'm SO thankful that, that is all I lost that night. I have had so much anger towards the idiot that put the three of our lives in jeopardy by making such a dumb decision, but I have finally come to a point of forgiveness. It's been hard for me to let it go, but I know it's not my job, nor is it healthy to harbor such anger. I have to remind myself daily that we're okay and that's all that matters. I often catch myself drumming up the "what could have happened" scenarios in my mind and this is when I turn to God and thank Him for what did happen, instead of what could have happened. Anyone who knows me, know I have a VERY STRONG protective instinct (sometimes too strong, maybe?) over those I love and I think a lot of my anxiety has come from the fact that the accident was a moment where I felt completely helpless. By too strong, I mean, I often need reminders that I am not in control and it is not my job to take on the weight of the world; God is here and He is...the ultimate protector of me and my loved ones! It is in saying that, I have found freedom and forgiveness...Amen:)

I feel like I have so much more to say, but I think I've had enough "therapy" for tonight;) What do I owe ya!? ;)

Poor little "baby G" (the G35), as I call her :(
Yes, I name my cars...crazy? Maybe a little;)